I have a confession to make:
I’ve lost it.
That feeling.
You know, that feeling when you find yourself looking around and thinking,
“I can’t believe this is my life.”
It’s the glorious commingling of awe, and disbelief, and immense deep-down in your guts satisfaction that wills you onward. For me, that feeling is both conviction and reassurance.
It’s been my barometer for most of my adult life, indicating that I am, indeed, on the road to somewhere good. I just don’t know where that somewhere is anymore. Or if I even want to go there.
Personally. Professionally. This weekend.
Maybe it’s waking up for work at 4am, my sink full of dishes, or my fast-approaching birthday which have thrown me into this existential crisis. Maybe it’s the weather. I don’t know.
I do know that I have to rediscover that feeling. And quick.
It’s never failed me, and until this rather recent absence, it’s willed me through hard jobs, on to still harder jobs, and finally on to some of my most rewarding experiences (thus far).
I’ve found myself drowning in that feeling while being paid to skinny dip in the Bahamas (okay, maybe they weren’t paying for that exactly), or horseback riding in Cuba, while at a cafe in Paris, or doing karaoke in Japan.
The further from home I get, the easier it is to get a firm grasp on that feeling, to hold on and wring the joy from it one giant soggy drop after the next.
But how do I recapture that feeling right now, standing in my kitchen, wondering what’s next?
Orange Hot Chocolate
serves 2
Ingredients:
1 cup milk
2 Dark Chocolate Bars from TJ’s (or about 3 oz)
2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon orange zest
pinch of salt
Directions:
1. Heat milk and orange zest in a small pan until edges bubble. Remove from heat, and let rest for about 3 minutes.
2. Strain milk and return to pan over medium heat, adding chocolate, sugar and salt.
3. Reduce heat and whisk constantly for about 3 minutes.
4. Serve with a generous dollop of whipped cream and a heaping spoonful of contemplation.
I’m pretty sure joy tastes like chocolate, so I’m starting one small cupful at a time.
How are you reclaiming the little joys in your daily life?
I wish I had an answer. But I think finding it starts with a hard journey – the one I think you’re on. I have to believe that we’ll find those feelings again. And a cup of amazing hot chocolate could help keep me warm in the cold.
Yes, I definitely believe we’ll rediscover those feelings!
I just hope there is enough chocolate in the world…
I think the first step is to bring me some of that hot chocolate. And yes for tomorrow. Call me after 8:30 to work out the details.
Yay!!!!
I am pretty sure if I had that hot chocolate in my mouth I’d be in awestruck disbelief.
Ha ha! Yes, exactly. Awestruck is the goal- today chocolate, tomorrow life!
Ah yes,
aging and experience will come round and give you a swift kick in ‘remberance of things past’ Not to worry we have each other, memories of those free wheelin days and the times we get the opertunity to feel ‘free’ are that much sweeter….kinda like that amaze-balls hot coco you made
PS Dont judge my spelling have two screaming kids killing each other in the backround :0
That hot chocolate sounds absolutely amazing– I want to make that, asap! Thanks for the recipe– and don’t worry, you’ll get that feeling back. It wouldn’t be such an amazing feeling without the lack of it. Like the light is brightest after you’ve been in the dark.
Do it- hot cocoa is a game/day changer for sure! And yes, I’ve been thinking about the fact that you can’t feel one certain way (ebullient) all the time or it wouldn’t be as fantastic too…
Just trying to figure out the balance to feel that way a bit more often, ya know?!