I have a confession to make:
I’ve lost it.
You know, that feeling when you find yourself looking around and thinking,
“I can’t believe this is my life.”
It’s the glorious commingling of awe, and disbelief, and immense deep-down in your guts satisfaction that wills you onward. For me, that feeling is both conviction and reassurance.
It’s been my barometer for most of my adult life, indicating that I am, indeed, on the road to somewhere good. I just don’t know where that somewhere is anymore. Or if I even want to go there.
Personally. Professionally. This weekend.
Maybe it’s waking up for work at 4am, my sink full of dishes, or my fast-approaching birthday which have thrown me into this existential crisis. Maybe it’s the weather. I don’t know.
I do know that I have to rediscover that feeling. And quick.
It’s never failed me, and until this rather recent absence, it’s willed me through hard jobs, on to still harder jobs, and finally on to some of my most rewarding experiences (thus far).
I’ve found myself drowning in that feeling while being paid to skinny dip in the Bahamas (okay, maybe they weren’t paying for that exactly), or horseback riding in Cuba, while at a cafe in Paris, or doing karaoke in Japan.
The further from home I get, the easier it is to get a firm grasp on that feeling, to hold on and wring the joy from it one giant soggy drop after the next.
But how do I recapture that feeling right now, standing in my kitchen, wondering what’s next?
Orange Hot Chocolate
1 cup milk
2 Dark Chocolate Bars from TJ’s (or about 3 oz)
2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon orange zest
pinch of salt
1. Heat milk and orange zest in a small pan until edges bubble. Remove from heat, and let rest for about 3 minutes.
2. Strain milk and return to pan over medium heat, adding chocolate, sugar and salt.
3. Reduce heat and whisk constantly for about 3 minutes.
4. Serve with a generous dollop of whipped cream and a heaping spoonful of contemplation.
I’m pretty sure joy tastes like chocolate, so I’m starting one small cupful at a time.
How are you reclaiming the little joys in your daily life?